Like most first time mums, I was a little naive. Naive about the birth, and very naive about what my child would or wouldn't do. When pregnant I made statements like "my child will never have a dummy", "I will breastfeed and not use formula" and "Routines are best, my child will stick to a routine" and my personal favourite of the day "my child will only be in disposables for the first box of nappies, then it is all cloth".
Now, I don't judge anyone else for their parenting style or decisions, never have and never will, these were statements I was making for my own child and myself, and have broken in the last 7 weeks. "My child, my way"is very much my motto.
The dummy thing lasted until that first night when we got home and she would not stop screaming. I cried giving it to her, and sighed when she spat it out again. Since then she has taken it, but it is only when she is unsettled, especially when in the car. Silent child = safe and stress free driving mumma.
The no formula statement lasted for the first two weeks, then I got gastro and mastitis at the same time and basically banished myself from the small one. I kept on expressing, but as I wasn't well and very dehydrated, my supply dipped a bit and we moved to formula. I cried yet again. Through sheer determination, against advice from my very "breastfeeding is the only option" mum, I continued pumping and got my supply back up and Eliza continued on breastmilk and is still going with it. I know it wouldn't be the end of the world if she was on formula, some mornings at 4am I wish she was, but I really wanted to give breastfeeding a good crack and wasn't quite ready to give up just yet.
Routine in our household? What routine? We don't have one, and I am good with that. Makes for some interesting trips in the car, especially when you are required to breastfeed in a truck stop on the side of the freeway in amongst a bikie gang, but hey, it didn't kill me and it fed my child.
Nappies? Yeah, well at the moment we are avoiding looking at that giant bag of cloth nappies in the corner of Eliza's room. It all seems a little bit too hard right now, and sposies are a lot more convenient. I have tried them in the last week, but they make my baby girl look massive! I am trying to use one nappy a day and slowly build it up, but we will see on that one.
Being a mum is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I have cried many tears in the last 7 weeks. I am still not convinced I am good at it, nor do I know what I am doing, but in the words of one of my best friends today, I "am doing it, and she is happy and healthy, and that is all that matters". Wish that bloody mother guilt would piss off though!!!