Friday, June 5, 2009

After Marriage Vent

Husband and I have been married 17 months now, and don't have children yet.

Now, apparently this is up for public comment (must have missed signing that release). Lately I have had more people ask me "soooo, when you and B going to have children" or "time is ticking. tick tock" (yes, because 24 is soooooo old).

Now this shits me on several levels. One, it is B and my life. We shall have children when we see fit. God, it isnt for lack of trying, we have had some nasty little curve balls thrown at us this last 17 months. Not that we talk about our fertility with many people, but still.

And secondly, what business is it of other people? I mean, do I walk up to them and say "soo, had sex lately?" You dont ask those kind of questions. It's just not done, so why do people see it fit to ask about our plans for children? Why? And it isnt just older people, it is friends of ours, young people.

Does anyone else get these questions? How do you deal with them?
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  1. I get the "so when are you going to have another baby?" question all the time and it is boring. I have had various responses ready but my latest is: another baby? oh this isn't my baby I just borrowed her for the afternoon. Cute though.

    As for you April I cannot believe people say that. 24 is so so young. They must be bogans asking you that all the time.Tell them "oh we don't want kids. We are actually collecting rare spiders instead. Want to come over and see?"

    See how they like a silly answer.

  2. My boyfriend and I get this all the time. We are both 24 (he's 25 in Aug, me in Dec) and we have been in a relationship for 4 years.

    Ever since the 6 month mark we had been getting "when are you getting married" question. It was funny at first, then it got really annoying. Now we come up with sarcastic remarks, and it throws people for a loop.

    Now we get the when are you having children question all the time? So we have slowly started with the sarcastic remarks on those too. "Rugrats? Bloodsuckers? We don't want those, we want to live" ... sometimes that bites us in the butt, and they tell us how wonderful kids are. Recently when I told a lady we probably don't want kids for another 10years or so, she asked me "but don't you love him anymore?" *rolls eyes*

    Truth of the matter is, we aren't ready for either yet. We are both about to be finishing up college and need to get our lives together first before we go spending money on a wedding and kids. =/ We've tried this approach too, and people just keep asking "but why not now?!?!" I guess they just want us to live off welfare???? Or in a ditch somewhere?

    I don't know why people want to give their 2 cents in there.

    If you come up with a way to shut people up about it, let the rest of us know :)

  3. Oh I sooo relate to this post!
    I am 26 soon to be 27 and have been married for almost 2 years. The moment that we got engaged people started asking the when are you having kids question! SERIOUSLY what says we have to have kids! And what a personal question! We have 2 dogs who are sorta like our kids and I always respond "I already have two and that's enough for right now"....or "when we are ready".

    It's no one's business but your own, I think people are just gossip hungry! You would think it would change with more and more women waiting til their 30's to have kids!

    Great post and I love your blog!

  4. Tell them you're still a virgin. See what they say too that. It's one curve ball I doubt they'll know how to react to. :) Just a thought.

  5. uurrgh the kids comments started for us in the wedding speeches at our wedding when we were 23!

    We loved waiting and having some great years of marriage first filled with lots of travelling and spending money :)

    Now that Elka is turning one, the comments about number two are coming thick and fast. I just smile and say I am not ready yet.

    I agree with you - I dont ask them about their sex lives!

  6. i find it highly amusing. i dont get these comments from family or family friends - but from MY friends. as most of them are engaged [after being together 4-12 months] or are pregnant/have babies and are now engaged as a result.

    i get the - "do you think he's going to ask you soon?" my reaction usually involves i kinda wanted it to be a surprise.. "why dont you get pregnant too then our babies can be friends?" usually i comment with im at uni and love the freedom i have atm.. and the list goes on..

    i just hate how it is girls 21 year olds that are so damn preoccupied with getting married and having babies..i want to have a career and i dont think that makes me a monster.

    april - i would say to them - "oh we are just enjoying the honeymoon period still that while we have been trying *wink* its not something that we are overly concerned with just yet. after all we still have our whole lives together"

  7. We have a stock standard response to most people; "We are bidding on one on ebay , will let you know when we win one "

  8. omg, thanks guys! I laughed so hard at your suggestions that I woke my (snoozing on the couch) mum up.

    I should start photographing peoples reactions when i tell them these answers LOL

  9. April, we have been married about 19 months and get the same questions. Every time I so much look at a child (when colleagues bring them in, friends bring them to parties etc.) I get the 'so, your turn next?' or 'when are you and N going to start trying' and it's so annoying. I also agree it's rude.

    I don't really have a standard response. I often tell people I am more than happy just looking after my cat at the moment.

    Why can't people mind their own business!

  10. My Mum keeps asking me if we're going to have "real" children, because apparently she thinks I've substituted my dog for human children. I'm not even married yet, and I'm twenty-f'cking-four!

    People who have just met me often ask if we'll have kids soon after we're married - it's just so inappropriate.

    It's 2009, not 1959, jebus.


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